Bittersweet

     Tonight was the last Manitowoc Public Library Board of Trustees meeting I will attend. As I listened to the budget discussion from the cheap seats, I realized that as of next month I will be seated at the conference table discussing the same issues with the Franklin Public Library Board of Trustees. We will tackle budgets and policies and technology issues and all of the other things that impact public libraries. And I’m ready for the job. I start in just 20 days, and I really am counting down. I can’t wait!

     What I’m not sure about is leaving home. It’s not as if I haven’t left before. Three days after I graduated high school I moved to Milwaukee to work for the summer. From there I headed to Illinois where I went to school, married and had my first baby.

     Eight years later I returned to Manitowoc – for just one year, I told myself. I meant it. I had every intention of returning to Chicagoland or, at the very smallest, Milwaukee. There is an old Yiddish proverb, Der mentsh trakht un Got lakht, which translates as Man plans and G-d laughs. I’ve been here for 29 years. The Big Guy has a keen sense of humor.

     But now I am leaving. Half-filled boxes fill my dining room. I have an apartment waiting for me in Franklin. I even bought new towels (something that really must be done more often than once a decade).

     When the library trustee who’s been on the board since I arrived told me he’d miss me, I wanted to cry. When I saw the look of surprise on the face of a local merchant with whom I’ve planned years of downtown activities, I wanted to apologize and tell her I was joking.

     Leaving home when you’re 18 is expected. As a teen, I never thought staying in Manitowoc was even an option. Leaving home at the far side of 50 is a little different. At this point, I thought I’d stay. I’m comfortable. I’m also realizing just how close I feel to the people with whom I’ve worked during the past three decades. Certainly, I will make new connections. It will be different, though. I will truly be standing on my own, without the benefit of being Bea and Nash’s youngest daughter, or Patrick’s wife, or Jessica, Nashira and Katie’s mom.

     Am I up for the challenge? Indubitably! But I’m certainly happy that I’m close enough to visit!